b.a#1
As you already know getting over a break up is really hard but getting over your first love is by far the hardest and it’s because not just any or other break up, it’s a break up with the first person who really showed you what it means to love and when you guys first met there were just strong connection that you guys were madly in love, you spent all your time together, you might even planned your own future to one another and this is all perfect by a normal and actually quite typical with the people who fell in love for the first time.
Another common attribute of first love is actually highlighted by a really great quote by a guy named Benjamin Disraeli and it goes like this, “ the magic of first love is our ignorance that it can never end “ so now that it ended, it cannot distressed you first spin because you’re so set and this being the one, this being it that one it collapses you know you’re just devastated, it’s like your entire reality shattered and everything you thought will not gonna happen everything you envisioned is just no longer gonna be and its really hard and its gonna be hard no matter what I say in this statement but I will share some 5 tips that would really help you and I promise if you follow them it will not only help you get over your ex but it will help you move on with your life and actually open you up to falling in love again and make you stronger and harder and even neither more passionately.
First Tip - Don’t Try to Get Your Ex Back
I know there’s this really strong urged to like fight day/night to try to get them back you tried to call and text them over and over again, you try to figure out the reason for leaving, you try to convince them that things can change and this and that. You just have to let it go except that is over and except that is done because as long as you hold on to any hope of getting back together your not be able to move on. You can think of sort of like an anchor,
so if you like throw this anchor and its latch on to this relationship you have no room to move on because literally you have anchored to the past and if you cut that anchor and let it go in order to move on and I now this all make sense logically but emotionally it seems really hard because that simple act of cutting an anchor is not that easy because you love them and you probably will still love them several months from now maybe a year from now for it was like the first you felt something that strong but you have to realize that love and those strong feelings are not enough to make the relationship work but it also takes certain skills and abilities like strong communication the ability to work through your issues,
so if you like throw this anchor and its latch on to this relationship you have no room to move on because literally you have anchored to the past and if you cut that anchor and let it go in order to move on and I now this all make sense logically but emotionally it seems really hard because that simple act of cutting an anchor is not that easy because you love them and you probably will still love them several months from now maybe a year from now for it was like the first you felt something that strong but you have to realize that love and those strong feelings are not enough to make the relationship work but it also takes certain skills and abilities like strong communication the ability to work through your issues,
compromise all out of things you get into but the point is there’s a reason and end it and you guys broke up for a variety of reasons and these reasons will not come clearer to you if you still hold on to delusion that you guys can work out if you keep in touch and all that you have to cut contact in order to distance yourself from the situation a lot those reasons serve as because once you do,you will be able to learned from it and you get a lot more clarity about why ended and you stop driving yourself knots about why did they break up with you,why did that happen, what’s going on.
You just have to trust that as you take time apart and the reasons will become clearer.
Second Tip – Cut Off All the Communication with your Ex
Probably the most common rules on how to get over break up is the “no contact rule” and that’s for a reason and I’ve mention this tip.
It’s just you need to take time apart because break up is like wound and any contact with your ex it’s like your rubbing salt to your wound,your making it more painful because the wound can heal unless you let it heal and the only way to let it heal is by not touching it by not reopening it.
So cut off contact, for sure it will be really hard because it’s really hard after on every break up but specially hard with your first love because you guys got so closed that they became the closest person in your life that you rely on them for emotional support for comfort and you probably lost in touch a lot of your friends to spend time with your lover and now it seems like you don't have that seems social support without them and it can really hard to imagine not talking to them because they became everything to you but you have to let that go because you need to rebuild your life and you need to find that elsewhere both within yourself and within the other people on your life.
Third Tip – Don’t Assume You Will Not Fall In love Again
And this is common thing that a lot of people feel after their first really bad break up. Those feelings were too intense so passionate and so new it seems like out of this world are so real and it’s really hard to imagine that your lover feel like that ever again for anybody else but you have to realize that you will. You might not know that now but you have no frame of conference of any other relationships or any other relationships that you were strongly in love with, so it feels like this waste one, this was the super special.
I’m not saying it’s not it’s just there really common trap that were falling to and make ourselves knots by thinking that we never find it and now it’s perfectly normal to feel but you know after you have several relationships you actually look back and with the whole new perspective after every relationship its always been damage deeper rich and stronger and you think you’ll not be able to find someone like that because it always feels like the same you had with the present is the deepest,
the strongest and he richest but as you grow and as you mature the strength of the love that you capable of having just it goes through the roof.
The more you grow and develop the better your relationship will be and the better your life and your generals will make an effort to get something out this.
It’s like you’re in pain already your experiencing a lost you might as well act something out of it learn a lesson from it gain some more self awareness about yourself how you behave in relationships certain patterns that you have certain issues that your trying to create and observe this because you may think your access to problem you point your finger on them but it’s important to turn inwards and take a look at yourself is there anything that you did that may have push them away or created to much stress in the relationship or cause a lot of drummer or problems,
fights or arguments because you may find someone else and maybe the perfect person but if you not ever change since then and if you haven’t learned and kind of grown up then you’re just recreating the scene and issues in the future relationships and you’re gonna sabotage it and you will right back to square 1, feel just as heartbroken and devastated as you feel right now. Turn on words look at yourself, grow and become a better person.
It’s just you need to take time apart because break up is like wound and any contact with your ex it’s like your rubbing salt to your wound,your making it more painful because the wound can heal unless you let it heal and the only way to let it heal is by not touching it by not reopening it.
Third Tip – Don’t Assume You Will Not Fall In love Again
I’m not saying it’s not it’s just there really common trap that were falling to and make ourselves knots by thinking that we never find it and now it’s perfectly normal to feel but you know after you have several relationships you actually look back and with the whole new perspective after every relationship its always been damage deeper rich and stronger and you think you’ll not be able to find someone like that because it always feels like the same you had with the present is the deepest,
the strongest and he richest but as you grow and as you mature the strength of the love that you capable of having just it goes through the roof.
Fourth Tip – Focus on Becoming a Better Person
The more you grow and develop the better your relationship will be and the better your life and your generals will make an effort to get something out this.
It’s like you’re in pain already your experiencing a lost you might as well act something out of it learn a lesson from it gain some more self awareness about yourself how you behave in relationships certain patterns that you have certain issues that your trying to create and observe this because you may think your access to problem you point your finger on them but it’s important to turn inwards and take a look at yourself is there anything that you did that may have push them away or created to much stress in the relationship or cause a lot of drummer or problems,
fights or arguments because you may find someone else and maybe the perfect person but if you not ever change since then and if you haven’t learned and kind of grown up then you’re just recreating the scene and issues in the future relationships and you’re gonna sabotage it and you will right back to square 1, feel just as heartbroken and devastated as you feel right now. Turn on words look at yourself, grow and become a better person.
Fifth Tip – Do Not Be Afraid of Falling In love Again
You have to remember that just because first relationship didn’t work means that it will never work. Every person you met is different and you will love them differently for better or for worst it’s just how things happen. When you meet someone new you guys co-create something new together and the way that your relationship dynamic will play with the next person it will be fatal differently and this one,hopefully, assuming you learned and you grow.
Just do all the tips or you will bring the same dynamic issues and re-create same problems but assuming you learn and grow it will be something you completely new and different and you actually might just love a lot more. I know personally that every single person I’ve loved, I love them damage deeper and stronger it’s been really amazing thing to experience so I recommend that don’t just closed off from loving again and that’s really normal thing to do if that’s how you feel right now if you’re like screw guys, assholes, jerks or screw girls their heart was bitches and all the stuff.
I know when your hurt that the easy route to take and your just trying to protect yourself, your in survival mode but what you don’t realize is that what actually your doing to protect yourself is actually hurting you .
There’s really great song that once I heard was that “we build up walls to protect yourselves to keep the bad guys out, but building up these walls actually prevent good guys from getting in” so don’t build up these walls out of fears or because you’re afraid of getting hurt remember that to love is to risk and yes you might get hurt, bad things might happen to you but the reward has to be worth the risk.
In order to overcome this kind of natural feelings to avoid loving again you have to focus on what that reward is for you, what makes you fall in love, what you get out of it, what about excites you, kind of moves you and touches you what is it about falling in love with your ex that you actually love and adored what makes loving worth the risk for you essentially.
Just do all the tips or you will bring the same dynamic issues and re-create same problems but assuming you learn and grow it will be something you completely new and different and you actually might just love a lot more. I know personally that every single person I’ve loved, I love them damage deeper and stronger it’s been really amazing thing to experience so I recommend that don’t just closed off from loving again and that’s really normal thing to do if that’s how you feel right now if you’re like screw guys, assholes, jerks or screw girls their heart was bitches and all the stuff.
I know when your hurt that the easy route to take and your just trying to protect yourself, your in survival mode but what you don’t realize is that what actually your doing to protect yourself is actually hurting you .
There’s really great song that once I heard was that “we build up walls to protect yourselves to keep the bad guys out, but building up these walls actually prevent good guys from getting in” so don’t build up these walls out of fears or because you’re afraid of getting hurt remember that to love is to risk and yes you might get hurt, bad things might happen to you but the reward has to be worth the risk.
In order to overcome this kind of natural feelings to avoid loving again you have to focus on what that reward is for you, what makes you fall in love, what you get out of it, what about excites you, kind of moves you and touches you what is it about falling in love with your ex that you actually love and adored what makes loving worth the risk for you essentially.
For me what make loving worth the risk for is love intimacy, I love getting to know people, I’m a really deep love knowing more about them, what makes them tickle, that makes them move and also see how they can move me, what we have in common and this creating this mutual experience was like deep connection and that special connection it’s just I love it that’s what makes the risk worthwhile for me.
And I know that special connection may not last forever it may not either hurt me at the end but my ability to experience that special connection deepens more and more and every person that I’m able to share wit hand regardless how long would last it’s just amazing feeling. I hope you guy’s learned a lot from those tips above.
For Video Version On How To Get Over Your First Love
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GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS YOU!!!
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